We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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