I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
