Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
