And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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