I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
