you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
