You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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