You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
