were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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