all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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