I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
