You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just took my morning after pill in the library
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
