Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
