shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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