I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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