i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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