will power is for people who don't want to get laid
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
