sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
