I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
