**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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