Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I am naked and annoyed.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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