If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
