just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
