By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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