she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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