Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
