Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
