he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
