I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
