just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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