My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
