Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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