guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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