If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
