My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
