he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
