i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
