Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
