Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
