still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
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It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
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Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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