My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
