As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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