i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Send help, water and tortillas.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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