The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
