I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
