Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
