Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My vagina is officially offended.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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