Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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