if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
