On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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