I never want to see another naked old woman again.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
