She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
