I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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