Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
