Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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