While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
