it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
