feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
