True but thats because hes a fetus.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
