What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
