in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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